I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
