If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize