I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
