I wanna bring you to show and tell
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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