i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
