Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I pour the whiskey from now on
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
