so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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