it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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