i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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