I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
