Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
