hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
