I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
