how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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