I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
