; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
