Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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