she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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