its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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