Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
cat food counts as protein by the way
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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