You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
