i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
