mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
