I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
