I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
