May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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