I puked a lego.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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