did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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