I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
