i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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