true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
