Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
