I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
