Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Everyone says I win the strip club
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
