Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
