I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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