tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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