so that wasnt chicken after all
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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