I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
