How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
