i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
