Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
