Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize