Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
