Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
