I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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