Buhtt sex?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
