So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
