I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
