We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
