were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize