smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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