and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
