What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize