it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
