Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i out mim tonsoeep
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