So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
