1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My vagina just clenched in fear
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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