Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
