i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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