You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize