it hurts more in the daytime
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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