Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize