Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
