You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
