Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
