lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
