i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
