I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
