i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
