you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize