im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
