your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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