I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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