I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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