If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize