maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
it was like eating out sand paper
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
